I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
