My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
