I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
