Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
