i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
