your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize