That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
