So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
