No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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