Can i not drive my cunt home
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
