"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize