I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
