An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
