she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize