worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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