I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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