hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Bring me that man meat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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