WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
