STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
