I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
