is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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