he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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