I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
