They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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