I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize