she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
