Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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