I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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