thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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