At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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