So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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