maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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