sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
