If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
