Will you blow on my dice?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
