I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
