I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
