just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
