His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
