I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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