Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
