I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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