He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
