her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
