all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my shit smells like andre
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
