I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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