Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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