Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
