Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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