You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
