Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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