yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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