I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
