I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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