Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
