You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
