i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think my moral compass just broke
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
