At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
