Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We named our party play list daddy issues
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize