He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
