thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is the high leading the old right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
