yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
