I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
