Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
