the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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