We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
