too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I could fuck to npr.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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