Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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