But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
